Monday, February 18, 2013

The FriendsReunited Conspiracy (?) - Part 16 - Coming Soon. The Movie!

I was travelling home on the tube the other day, going through my emails. I was reading the latest weekly newsletter from the Kernel (called the Nutshell)

[as background - the Kernel ran a story about my blogs and the conspiracy. The conspirators then sent the full dossier to the Kernel which they then printed under another story with the tag line "Someone needs to be reunited with their marbles". Needless to say, neither article was very complementary towards these people. ]

Suddenly I came across the following


More news from the ongoing Friends Reunited saga, in which founder Steve Pankhurst and his wife are being hounded by Wiklevoss-lite fantasists for a quick buck. (You can read the full, utterly bonkers dossier here.)

We were contacted anonymously at the end of January by someone claiming to be a "slolicitor" [sic] acting on behalf of John Meyer, crackpot in chief, asking if we'd like to appear in the book and movie Meyer claims he has secured "global rights" to.

But only if we take down the two posts linked to above and do a U-turn to support Meyer's zany consipiracy theories.

It doesn't get much more plausible - or professional - than this. Next, Meyer will be asking, Louise Mensch-like, for us to reveal our sources...  
I will try and get hold of the full email as this was the first I had heard of it. But how hilarious
  • a solicitor apparently sending something anonymously, sort of negating the point really
  • a slolicitor - is that a drunk one?
  • asking a journalist to do a U-turn. Really going to happen? Sort of surprised they didn't do their usual and offer a "substantial financial reward".
  • and asking to take down the dossier that they had sent!
But the best bit - global rights to a book and a movie. They have gone on about a book before but ...

A Movie!!!!!

Brilliant. My gob is well and truly smacked. Lets do it.

Can I help in any way. I can help with fund raising, setup investors, the script, locations etc.

We've had a brain storm and come up with some suggested actors.
Me - Ray Winston (I know someone who knows someone who once saw him in a pub if that helps)
Jason - Jason Statham
Julie - Meryl Streep
Our conspirator - if only Norman Wisdom was still alive

The script - I am sure Aaron Sorkin would be available to do The Social Network 2. However, I am a bit worried about the first 5 years of the film. Basically it involved me in a box room programming and answering emails every day. We need someone to inject some crazy conspiracy and made up content into it - hang on I think we know just the guy.......


  1. John - Gene Hackman
    Jane - Julia Roberts

  2. Nah, Ewan McGregor a shoe in for Steve, Cameron Diaz for Julie and Timothy Spall as the Conspirator in chief. Alternatively we could play it the other way with Julie as a sort of Cruella Deville figure, being the evil mastermind behind the scheme to snatch the site from the rightful owners. If Glen Close is not available, they could always use the lady from Dragons den with the shoulder pads like runways.

  3. New BlockBuster out this summer...


    Steve Coogan as Steve Pankhurst
    Julia Roberts as Julie Pankhurst
    Mr Bean as Russ Meyer

  4. What a knob jockey

  5. Anagram: Conspiracy Theory / A Rich Tycoon's Prey

  6. "The complete lack of evidence is the surest sign that the conspiracy is working"

  7. Even better idea. Friends Reunited the musical. " for many years freinds i have not seen, but today i woke up with a dreaaaam..."

  8. Dear Mr Meyer, I in fact trademarked the term "slolicitor" around about January 2000 (I forget exactly when, but I'm sure you can make up an exact date) and I also own the URL "" set up in around March 2000 (I forget exactly when but I'm sure you can make up an exact date), so I'd be grateful if you could investigate me with the full fraud-squad powers at your disposal.


    Simon Lolicitor